News years Resolution number 3

ROAK's or random acts of kindness. I am going to aim for 1 a month for 2011. I often sit around feeling sorry for myself and wishing this, that or the other was different but you know what we are truly blessed in so many ways, far too many to count.

So in 2011 by aim is to keep remembering how lucky we are by giving to those who might be doing it tough

anyone want to join me in this challenge and try to make the world a happier place for everyone

and PS - the decluttering has begun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Years resolution number 2

okay probably not so much of a resolution but a challenge.....My challenge for 2011 is to declutter 1 item per day, so 365 items for the year.

Anyone wanna join me in this, not only will we feel good about how uncluttered our house will be but also by donating/regifting/recycling or repurposing the item will be will doing our bit for the less fortunate and the environment

And as a disclaimer, this was NOT my idea, I wish it was, but I read about it on a forum i like to read http://downtoearthforums.com/forum.php

anyhoo I will try to keep a record of how I am going on here, so feel free to play along with me and we can keep each other motivated

New years resolution number one

this is something I have been thinking about for quite a while but today I got a little wake up call ( really a rather large slap in the face).

Good Friends lost their sister today, far too young and leaving behind 5 beautiful children so in memory of her and what she went through -

 my first resolution is to try harder to live in the moment, enjoy all the little things i seem to take for granted, just the everyday stuff. I feel like I spend too much time fussing and worrying about stupid insignificant stuff, like the dishes, washing etc and not just enjoying the sound of my childrens laughter. I have already whinged enough about how I hate my job and would give everything to be at home - so then why when I am at home do I brush aside the loving cuddles of my children because the dishes need doing or similar. I am an idiot, yep I said it, who gives a rats arse about the dishes when I can spend time with the best things I have ever created. Time is short so from this moment on I am going to make the most of it.....I may need to come back and read this from time to time but that is the plan.

officially done

the christmas shopping that is........well not really but I have done all I am going to do and the last remaining things are being left for MrD.
I still have to make a couple of superhero capes but that shouldn't take too long and then wrap but my shopping trips are done. I think I would have done maybe 50% online and next year I aim to do more that way, so much easier that traipsing around the shops and I am not much of a shopper at the best of times :)

Right now I am downloading New Moon for MrD instead of buying it at the shops.....hello 21st century, this is the first time I have ever done that so pat on the back for me. Although it does seem my internet is not as fast as I thought it was and it is taking an eternity and not sure I can keep him away from the computer for as long as it is going to take but meh its less than a week to go so if he finds out I can live with it :)

and you wonder why I'm crazy

 This is what happens when you leave a certain 18 month old alone for about 10 seconds

Yep there goes about 5kg of bread flour, and what worse this isn't the first time. Needless to say the pantry now has a lock. After 5 children I have finally had to baby proof. I swear by the time this next baby comes Macallum will have either sent me completely bald or totally grey......the jury is still out.

At least he had fun I guess....every cloud has a silver lining so they say :)

no words ........

today is a sad day, not for me, I found out today a very special friend of mine is going through a terrible heartbreaking time. I have never met this lovely lady in real life, we have become friends over the internet, but i do feel she is a very special person who I am proud to call my friend.

I do not know how to help her although i know I can't really help or ease her pain I feel an overwhelming urge to do something, anything......but what.

No one should have to go through this, but sadly people do everyday......so today while my friend suffers, I am feeling incredibly blessed that I have never experienced what no mother should ever have to.

thinking of you Sarah, and sending you love and strength to help you get through this

xxx

Santa Claus is coming to town

todays thought revolves around for want of a better word...the Santa Lie

so lately I have been questioning whether we should have ever introduced the conept of Santa to the kids at all.

On one hand, Christmas is a magical time for children and Santa is a pretty harmless concept I guess so why not enjoy all the magic christmas can offer.

On the other hand, why does the magic have to revolve around Santa. Santa as we see him ( i.e the fat man in the red suit ) is basically a commercial creation of coca cola. And those who know me know how I feel about all things commercial. And I despise the bribery of children as in " you better be good or there will be no presents from Santa" and the like.

What I would have prefered to have done is tell the story of Saint Nick and how the tradition came about, and the truth, no Santa, no magic flying reindeers and no elves.

Still all the fun, gifts, family, friends, and tree just no Santa

But since we have already established the Santa story in this house what I will be focussing on now is about the giving and receiving at christmas. I want my children to give and not just to expect the gifts at Christmas just because Santa comes. Santa will be giving the kids books this year, the other gifts we will be taking the credit for :), and in return the children will be expect to give a gift to someone less fortunate. I think the older ones are in particular old enough to understand this and also take some responsibility for choosing the recipients of their gifts.

But maybe all my anti Santa this year is all about my decidiedly Bah Humbug feeling this year.

I am trying to get into the spirit I really am :)

its my birthday.........

and I'll cry if I want to

so don't ask my why but I am blaming it on the hormones, but I have had a very emotional day, spending the day alternating between tears and anger and you know what I don't like it.

I want my old even tempered, calm, happy temperament back

at the moment happiness seems like an oasis in the desert....I just don't seem to be able to reach it. Why is this? I should be blissfully happy, I have 5 beautiful children and soon to be 6, a loving husband who granted is not perfect but hey neither am I, a job that pays the bills and keeps the wolves at bay, a roof over our heads, food on the table, the list of things to be thankful for is endless. So why do i feel like this????

I just want to step back from it all and live in the moment and smile and laugh, you know one of those big belly laughs, it feels like I haven't done that in ages.

My days are an endless cycle of get up scream, yell, curse at the kids to get ready for school, do the chores, be a little quieter, stop fighting with your brother/sister etc etc etc, leave for work, sit at work counting down the hours until I come home to start the screaming and yelling all over again...have a bath, do your homework, eat your dinner, round and round it goes

I think it boils down to at least in part to......I don't think I like myself very much anymore......well there it is, out there for all to see.

But what is the next step......I don't know how to fix it, how to be happy, or how to just relax

How do I get ME back?

more of the same

okay so i did have plans of coming in here today and talking about something different, but i will have to save that for tomorrow because i need to have another work whinge.......have i mentioned how much i dislike my boss, she makes life there unbearable.

I need to do some serious rethinking of my life, my job, my family.....well everything really.

I have never wanted to move to a long way from civilisation so we could be mortgage free and well just free in general and not such a slave to the man, I want the kids to have access to, well everything really if they want it, so hence being away but not too far away if you get what i mean. But now i am thinking at what point do i save my sanity, is it better for the kids to have access to any opportunity they want or to have a happy not so much of a bitch mother.

And then after that thought comes the second guessing myself, maybe my hippy, happy life of growing, making and doing things my own way is just a silly pipe dream and that i will hate that just as much and then what. We would have sold our house to move to the middle of nowhere to an area which is probably not a sound investment and ruin our chances of ever going back.

The obvious solution I guess would be just to look for a new job, but honestly I don't think that is the answer...I don't love my job, I'm not even sure I like it anymore but as MrD says it does pay okay.

So where does that leave me......well right now I guess I need a big dose of suck it up princess

breathe deeply and remind myself 11 weeks and 2 days until maternity leave..........

new one

okay so this is my new blog......basically i needed ANOTHER outlet to express myself where some of my family, work people and the like can't see. Something just for me in other words to just blurt all the seriously crazy thoughts in my head out without having to edit myself for fear of what those reading will think.

Today was a seriously craptacular work day, one of those when you wonder why you bother and start dreaming of a different life. Who am I kidding I dream of not working EVERY day whether its a good or bad day at work.

My boss is THE most unprofessional woman I think I have ever met, days like today I seriously have to bite my tongue to stop me telling her exactly what i think. And it annoys me 10x more that she thinks she is pretty red hot and is actually helping the extrememly awful dynamics of our little office. I am finding it an extremely draining place to work, and this is a perfect example of the grass not being greener on the other side, but I think i will leave that story for another day

I can't believe how much I have changed, when I had my first couple of children I couldn't imagine not working at all, it was important to me. These days despite having a better paying, more responsible totally different line of work there is nothing I would like more than to be a fulltime SAHM.
I have decided that i would be happy to work 2 days or at a push 3, and then develop my own business of some type. I want to craft, garden, read books, finger paint, sew, knit etc etc etc, the list is endless until the cows come home.

more to come ..........